Monday, March 26, 2012

By popular demand

All those who were wondering about the drying rack in my last post are in luck! I bought it on Amazon last week (or two weeks ago, maybe?). I love it. I've been laying my sweaters on the deep freeze to dry as that's about the only free flat surface and you can imagine how well that works. I don't know why it took buying the cloth diapers to make me actually purchase a drying rack, but at least I did!
Click on the picture for the link to Amazon. (I don't have an affiliate account, so it's not an affiliate link.)
As far as the anti-anxiety pills, these are the exact ones I bought at the supplement shop (though in a 45 capsule bottle). This brand has more reviews, if you want to see what others thought.
I feel weird taking something when I have no idea what it is. Plus vitamins and supplements aren’t regulated by the FDA (right?), so how do I know what’s actually in the bottle and if it does what it says it does? But the guy who runs the supplement shop is a licensed pharmacist, I have two friends who also take them (and sent me to the shop), and the compound is listed in the big ‘ol drug interaction book I recognize from working in pharmacies (he looked it up to make sure it is compatible with breastfeeding)(it is). Per his recommendation, I take one three times a day, thought the bottle says to take one every 4 hours and I think that would be even more effective.
Just FYI, the capsules taste rather fishy. Not sketchy, but like actual fish. They’re vegetarian capsules, which means no gelatin, and they must use some sort of fish product instead. It’s not like taking fish oil, where you taste fish for hours afterward, but if I don’t swallow fast enough the taste makes me gag. (I know, I know - that's what she said.)

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Happy Nine Months, Paul! YOUR MOTHER HAS GONE CRAZY.

Yesterday Paul turned nine months old. I celebrated by going to my doctor and getting a diagnosis of post-partum depression. (We go all out for birthdays around here.)

I have a prescription for anti-depressants and a couple natural supplements to try first to see if I can avoid medication I'd need to be tapered on and off. I didn't think I had anxiety (just depression), but man, this green-tea extract natural anti-anxiety from the hippie supplement store definitely makes a noticable difference. (I don't think it's a placebo effect since I fully expected it to do nothing, as I don't have anxiety. Or so I thought.) I'm hopeful the natural seratonin booster will work, too. (That one will take a few weeks, just like pharmaceutical anti-depressants.)

Meanwhile, I'm trying to figure out just when I turned into a full-fledged hippie, what with the cloth diapers and crazy supplements.
I took this picture of my yard 5 minutes ago.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

More questions!

As I said last week, I came up with eleven questions to go with my elevens posts, but decided instead of posting the questions and tagging people, I’m going to post them a few at a time and ask you to answer in the comments. Here's the second installment!

1. Do you have a side of the bed? What is it? Any reason?

2. If you could go anywhere for dinner, where would it be?

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Fun new things

Let's talk about something more fun!

Look what I bought:
Amazon's been driving me crazy messing around with Amazon Mom and diaper prices. It no longer saves me that much money to buy diapers from them and I can't find them as cheap as I used to anywhere. When Jen tweeted her friend was selling her stash of cloth diapers I decided to go for it.

I already have two wet bags (they're useful for so many things!) and wash all our clothes in cloth-diaper safe soap (Charlie's). I've read a lot about cloth diapers, because I've always found them to be fascinating, just not for us (daycare won't use them, I wasn't sure if I wanted to ask my mom to use them when the kids are at her house, I can get coupon my way to nearly free diapers anyway.) Those things have changed now - Paul doesn't go to daycare anymore, I can't get super cheap diapers, and my mom cloth diapered ME with prefolds, so she should love Bum Geniuses.

I think we're pretty well set up, but I'd love to get any advice you have! How many do you think we need for one toddler if I plan on washing every other day (I currently have 12)? Are they really one-size (we have Bum Genius 3.0s)? Paul seems to be already almost as big as they allow. How soon is he going to grow out of them? Anything else I should know?

Monday, March 19, 2012


You guys cannot imagine how relieved I feel to have figured out my down-ness was hormone driven. I was convinced I couldn't handle having two small children and the only solution was for them to grow up. I figured things might be better by the time Paul was Meg's age (two years from now). Or, I remember 18 months was a good age. Maybe if I'm really lucky things will be better by 18 months. But then Meg will be 3 1/2, which I hear isn't the best, so maybe not. (It was tons of fun to be in my brain.)

To have gone from feeling like I'll just have to keep my head down and plow through for YEARS to mere weeks is amazing. (Also, it never occurred to me this was something that could be treated, like depression. I really thought there was nothing to be done, short of hiring a nanny.) I already feel way better just from 1) acknowledging the problem is hormonal (and normal) and 2) talking about it. It also helps to realize this is the exact same thing I went through when Meg was little and I know it got better somewhere between 9 and 10 months.

Honestly, last time I think it got better around the time I finally acknowledged it, so cross your fingers I'm over the hump!

Thank you for all your kind words on twitter and here.

Saturday, March 17, 2012


I had it all worked out. When Meg was around 7 months, my breastmilk supply inexplicably dropped and I spent two months killing myself trying to get it back. Those were probably the darkest months of my life. Nothing I did worked. My supply continued to drop and when she turned 9 months old I finally quit trying. Just mixing that first bottle of formula gave me so much relief I vowed to NEVER DO THAT AGAIN (the attempted supply-boosting thing, I mean, not the formula mixing).

So it would be easy! If I had supply problems after the six month mark with Paul, I’d just let it taper off. No pumping for 45 minutes at a time! No using ounces pumped to measure my self worth! How hard can it be to do nothing? Certainly not harder than doing EVERYTHING, right?

Well, maybe. Last time I thought: I have a problem, but there’s got to be something I can do about it. Pumping for hours was grueling, but I had focus. I was working on it. I had hopes things would get better. This time there’s nothing to do. The supply-boosting stuff didn’t work last time anyway, so why try? All I have to do is wait it out as my supply drops a couple ounces a week and pull out the tub of formula I so thoughtfully bought for myself soon after Paul was born as a reminder to not let supply problems get to me again.

I thought putting all my efforts into something and failing day-in, day-out was why I’d been so miserable. It didn’t occur to me it was the weaning hormones themselves. Which is why they’ve once again blindsided me. My supply dropped again, right at the 7 month mark, seemingly overnight, and for no apparent reason. This time I feel even worse, if that’s possible.

I’ve spent the last few weeks wondering if I should tweet/blog about my new theory: if you’re of childbearing age, you’re completely fucked. (Pardon the language.) Having children has ruined my life. But if I couldn’t have children, the not having them would ALSO have ruined my life. Ergo, fucked.*

I finally figured out today that was the hormones talking. Perhaps my life is not permanently ruined! Things might…get better! Soon-ish, even. TOTAL BREAKTHROUGH.

But…what do I do in the meantime? How long do I have to hold out? He’ll be 9 months next week and I don’t see things improving that quickly. Should I just wean completely? I don’t think Mr. I’m Still on a Bottle Strike (did I not mention that here?) will go for that.

Last time I woke up one morning and everything was better. I just want to know when that will be.

*Apparently a bit of depression brings out the ‘why bother not swearing on the blog?’ in me. First f-bombs ever!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012


I went home for lunch yesterday and “Friends in Low Places” came on the radio. I cranked it up, then thought, as you do, if only my 15-year-old self could see me now. Wouldn’t she be horrified? Still driving around belting out the same old song and not doing what I thought I would…

Wait. I’m doing EXACTLY what I thought I’d be doing when I was 15.

(As an aside, I have no idea why I settled upon age 15, since I knew the song long before then. I was six when it was released!)(Which was in 1990, for all who are now curious.)

When I was 15, I wanted to be an accountant (check!) and work in a cubicle (check!).

(Cubicles get a bad rap, but it’s not so bad. Basically I’m antisocial and wanted to sit by myself all day crunching numbers. Which is pretty much what I do. And I like it. I mean, I wouldn’t turn down a private office, but the cubicle is just fine for now.)

What else… I wanted to be married (check!) and have three kids by age 30. I’m 27 and I’ve got two, so I think that goal is coming along well.

I wanted to have a house (check!) and live near my family. I now live 4 hours from my hometown, but either by coincidence, luck, or God’s perfect plan, my sisters, my parents, and I have all moved down here and live within 45 minutes of each other.

It’s weird to think I “have it all,” since there are still things I want. There’s always going to be. Also, this is as far as I went out when imagining my future life. Husband, babies, house, job – I’ve accomplished everything, so I kind of feel like I’ve reached the edge of my imagined universe and am into new territory now.

I’ve been walking around for the past day trying it on for size. I have it…all? I have it ALL. All? I have it? I HAVE IT ALL.


Does your life look like you thought it would when you were 15?

P.S. I have now fallen down a Wikipedia wormhole and am finding out all sorts of things I never knew about Friends in Low Places. Did you know Garth Brooks wasn’t the first artist to put it on an album? Mark Chestnutt was. But Garth was the first artist to sing the song, because he was doing demo work prior to making it big and was hired by the songwriters. Also, George Strait was offered the song and turned it down.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Questions for you, Part 1

I came up with eleven questions to go with my elevens posts, but I think that whole meme has been pretty much beaten into the ground by now, so instead of posting the questions and tagging people, I’m going to post them a few at a time and ask you to answer in the comments. Here are the first couple!

1. If I were to give you a $100 gift card, what store would you prefer it be from?

2. What is the very first thing you’d do if you won the lottery? (Call your mom? Take down your Facebook profile to avoid "friends" hitting you up for money? Quit your job?)

Thursday, March 8, 2012

I guess I'm going to be a grandma

We’ve reached the point where Meg doesn’t remember life without a brother. I was trying to explain to her last night someone we know is pregnant and she thought I was crazy.

Me: “Remember when Paul was in mommy’s tummy?”

Her: *skeptical look*

Me: “Remember? He was in my tummy?”

Her: “He’s right here.”

Me: “Yeah, remember, he came out? He was in mommy’s tummy, then he came out?”

Her: *looking at Paul like there is NO WAY this enormous child used to be in someone*

Me: “Whatever. You know Kathy (name has been changed)? She has a baby in her tummy!”

Her: “Well I have a baby in my tummy, too!”

Me: “No really. Soon she’ll have a baby like Paul!”

Her: “Me too!”

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

All about meeee

I've been tagged a couple times in the Elevens post that's been going around. You've seen those posts, right? They're long. Dauntingly long what with the things about me, questions for me, and questions for you. I usually read them a section at a time, so I decided to just post them a section at a time.

It would make sense to do the eleven things you might not know about me first, but eleven things is a lot! I'm still thinking. So to start out, here are the questions from April.

1. What fictional character do you most identify with?

I don’t often connect to a book so much I continue to think of the characters for a while afterward. I’ve read 22 books so far this year and while I could still give you a synopsis of each of them, I pretty much never think about the characters. Plus it’s been yeeeeears since I’ve read well-known series of books people might use here (like Anne of Green Gables or something). So I’m coming up blank. If I try to think of any female character I *might* identify with, the best I can come up with is Hermione, especially in the middle school years. We were both good at school and annoying know-it-alls about it. Plus, not very attractive in that ‘I don’t know HOW to fix my hair or makeup so I just don’t’ way.

2. What have you always wanted to do with your life?

I’ve always wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom and homemaker. I love house-y stuff. Cooking, cleaning, organizing (if I have plenty of time to do it and aren’t rushing around desperately trying to throw things together). Now that I actually have children I can appreciate some time away from them during the week (while at work), but I still think I’d enjoy being a SAHM. Sometimes.

3. What did you want to “be when you grew up”? (these really are two different questions, although I suppose they could have the same answer)

A teacher, I think? I’d still kind of like to be a teacher. I love schools. From late middle school on, though, I’ve always said I wanted to be an accountant and hey! That’s what I am!

4. What is your favorite thing about yourself?

Since getting on a three-day washing cycle, my hair has been fabulous on days 1 and 2. Day 3 is iffy, but at least I have good hair 2/3 of the time! (If I wash it every other day, day 2 evolves into the bad day. It’s inescapable.)

If you’re talking about intangible things, I love that I’m a really fast reader.

5. Are you giving anything up for Lent? What?

I’m not. I thought about it for a while, but couldn’t really come up with anything.

6. How devoted are you to politics? Do you follow politics? (this question is not to ask about your particular views)

Along with accounting, I majored in Political Science. I’ve always loved politics. I’m much more into historical politics, though. My favorite class was on Nixon. As far as current politics go, I pretty much checked out four years ago because it frustrates me so much. I get enough information to choose a candidate and ignore the campaign process as much as I can. Then I read all about it when it’s over:) (Did you read Game Change? SO INTERESTING.)
7. How about sports? Do you follow any particular teams or specific sports?

Nope. My husband is a big baseball fan, so he keeps me up to speed on the St. Louis Cardinals whether I like it or not (I usually do), but I’m not really into sports otherwise.

8. What is one hobby that you have always wanted to take up but haven’t, and why not?

Sewing. I’ve dabbled in it, but can pretty much only sew a straight line.

9. What is one of your favorite things to do when you have the time/money/energy?

Read. See: 22 books already this year.

10. What is your very favorite recipe or food to make?

To make? I suppose banana bread. I make it often and have my own little shortcuts and preferences.

11. What is the most rewarding thing in your life?

My kids. Especially when they look at me like I’m their favorite person in the world.