Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Do you know what you're having?

I was reading a blog post today about "finding out" whether you're having a boy or a girl. Someone mentioned when they were in the hospital another couple baby had a little boy, but only had pink stuff because they had been told they were having a girl.

When I was pregnant with my daughter I had the same conversation a million times:
Do you know what you're having? Yes, its a girl. You know, my brother's-friend's-cousin's-step-sister (or something like that) was TOLD she was having a girl and it was actually a BOY. Just so you know. Well, the ultrasound tech got a really good look so we're pretty sure its a girl. You know, it might not be. I know.

I got so sick of people telling me that! Of course, I was probably abnormally sensitive to it, because I myself was paranoid we'd have all this girl stuff and then the baby would be a boy. I only bought neutral clothing (in part so we'd be able to use the clothes for future children), but received a lot of girly gifts from relatives. My first question when she was born was "Is it really a girl?"

Monday, May 24, 2010

Another baby?

Now that Meg is almost 1, we are thinking about when to start trying for the next baby. Its amazing how fast things change – a couple months ago, I still thought of Meg as a baby baby. I couldn’t imagine having another one. But now, she’s a toddler. She actually walks around. Which makes me want another newborn!

I like a spacing of two years between kids, but my husband would prefer 3 or, at minimum, 2 1/2. My sister is just short of 2 years younger than me and I love it. I really want that. I hoped I could change husband’s mind by this fall. (By the way, I’m quite relieved that (this time) we won’t have the same spacing as my 2 younger sisters – they’re 16 months apart and have never liked being so close in age. To have kids that close together, I’d have to be five months pregnant right now. I can’t even imagine that!)

However, I’ve basically stopped pumping and the freedom I feel is amazing. I don’t have to carry the breastpump to work anymore!! I don’t have to think about every little thing I eat!! And the biggest plus: I can start using acne medication again! Yay!! For the most part it doesn’t bother me, but I have to use heavy-duty makeup to try and cover up all the problems on my face every morning. I just want clear skin again, if only for the convenience (I am good at covering everything up, but it takes time!). And for me, that’s only possible by using products not allowed for pregnant or breastfeeding mothers.

Besides my face cream, other things I’m exited for are using water-flavoring packets again (I stopped because of the aspartame), eating as much fish as I want (I love fish. I’d eat it every day, but cut back to once or twice a week), and weighing the pros/cons every time I want to take tylenol or ibuprofen (I do take them, just not as often – like once a month instead of every week or two when I get random headaches). I’d also like to lose some weight before getting pregnant again (although I’m not excited about actually doing it). Basically, I would enjoy having my body to myself for awhile before I share it with another baby. So, today, I’m leaning towards waiting. Of course, tomorrow, I might have baby fever again. You never know.

Friday, May 21, 2010

The birthday cake

I’ve been thinking about Meg's first birthday cake (really, I’ve been overthinking it). What kind of cake do I get? Do most one year olds get a white cake? Yellow cake? Something a teensy bit healthier, like strawberry cake with lots of real strawberries on top? I don’t know what kind Meg likes. She’s never had cake. Or any other sweets. Its not like she’s never had sugar – she eats YoBaby Yogurt for breakfast every morning and the second ingredient in it is sugar. She eats Gerber Yogurt Melts, which also have sugar as the second ingredient. Heck, even Enfagrow (Enfamil’s formula for older babies) has corn syrup as the third ingredient (the fact there's corn syrup in my daughter’s formula is on my list of posts to write). Even Puffs, which she eats like there’s no tomorrow, have sugar. So its not like I’m a sugar nazi, but she’s never had sweets. I figure she gets enough sugar from the sources listed above. So how do I know what kind of cake to get her? If I make it myself, I’m leaning towards yellow cake, because its my favorite and I have it on hand. If we order the cake (because obviously I can’t put a picture on a cake and I definitely can’t make a cake into a cat*), I’ll probably get white. That’s what you get, right?

**I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it, but her stuffed kitty is her favorite thing in the whole world. She sleeps with it, drags it around the house, sucks on it (eww), and hugs it. It was a rough day at Grandma’s house the day Grandma forgot to bring kitty.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Spray tan

My sister is getting married on Saturday. We’ve all been running around getting beauty treatments like crazy. Last week, I had my hair highlighted and cut. Wednesday my mom and I got pedicures (my mothers day present to her). I know my mom was getting a manicure and spray tan yesterday and my sister is getting a spray tan today. I think she’s also getting a mani/pedi today. I decided I shouldn’t be the only pale one, so I went to get a spray tan last night. I forgot I read once that pregnant/nursing women are not supposed to get spray tans or use self-tanner. Oops. I was planning on skipping the bedtime pumping, since I’d have the stuff on my skin, but I was going to resume as usual the next morning after showering. Last night I decided that probably wasn’t a good idea. The milk I pumped this morning was made overnight while I layed there letting the chemicals soak in. I poured it out just to be safe:(

The tan cost $40, but I had a coupon for buy one get one free. After this morning, instead of saying it cost $20, I say it cost $20 and 6 oz breastmilk. That’s expensive!

Sleeping in

As I’ve mentioned before, I let my daughter sleep in on days I don’t have to work, so I can also sleep in. That’s probably selfish (kids need routines!), but it really helps our day go better. The irony of this situation, is it works for me when I don’t need it as much and doesn’t work when I’m desperate for more sleep.

I wake Meg up at 6 a.m. on days I work. She sometimes sleeps until 7-8 when we stay home. If I work Monday-Wednesday, she almost always sleeps til 8 Thursday-Saturday (we get up at 7 on Sundays for church). However, if I work Monday-Thursday (making me much more tired), she gets into the routine of getting up at 6 and continues it at least through Friday and sometimes through Sunday.

I know its (supposedly) better for her to get up at the same time every day, but don’t you have days when you would do anything to sleep just one more hour? Today is one of those days and Meg was up at 5:45 a.m…

P.S. This varying wake-up schedule doesn’t affect her naps, because she’s always been a every-two-hours napper. Supposedly there are two kinds of nappers: same-time-every-day nappers and every-two-hours nappers. Meg used to take her nap exactly two hours after getting up, no matter what time she got up (she’s older now, so its three hours). She took her next nap two hours (now three) after getting up from the first one. I don’t suppose I’ll be so lucky with the next baby, so I suppose I should get as much sleep as I can now!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

She's walking!

Well, I guess my emotions are getting better. Back in February, my daughter crawled for the first time while I was at work and I lost it. It really bothered me I missed it. Yesterday, she took her first steps while I was at work. It didn't really bother me. I'll see her walk soon (she hasn't done it again yet) and it doesn't matter I missed the first time. I'm actually pretty surprised, but I'm totally OK with it. Not only is she growing up, I am too!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


My mom is a crier. TV shows, newspaper stories, commercials, you name it, she cries. A lot of people with mothers like that say they made fun of their mom growing up. They thought it was embarrassing or weird their moms cried so much. I wasn’t like that – I’ve always been a crier, too. I wasn’t as bad as my mom; when she’d be crying, I’d just be “misty.” The general theme of stories about people who made fun of their mom for crying is that it comes back to bite them when they grow up and turn into their mothers. Often it’s the birth of their first child – all the hormonal changes bring out the crier in them. Unfortunately, that happened to me, too. The birth of my child turned me into a weeper. Now, when something makes my mom cry, I’m sobbing. I read a newspaper article today and started shaking with tears. I cry when reality shows play the recap of a person’s journey on the show after they get kicked off. Even if I haven’t watched the show before. Now I’m embarrassed of myself. I can’t keep it together!

I’m not depressed, I’m just very emotional. It makes it hard to talk to people. Like when I wanted to talk through my feelings about being a working mom and couldn’t talk through the tears. Like now, when I want to talk about how it feels to stop breastfeeding and I can’t even write about it without crying. Its not because I’m overwhelmingly sad about it, either. My feelings are a lot more complicated than that. It’s the strength of my feelings – relieved, sad, and conflicted – that makes me cry. I think it sends the wrong message. Like the person I’m talking to thinks I’m depressed about something when I’m not. I’m just intensely emotional.

I could do with a little less emotion these days.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The last day

Its Wednesday morning. The last day of travel is always the worst. You have to wake up earlier, to give yourself time to finish packing and load everything up. Then you go to work. As with most workdays, especially when you’re not in your own office (or cubicle), you’re just hoping the day goes by quickly. But all you have to look forward to when the workday is over is a long drive home, then lugging all your junk back inside, unpacking and starting a laundry pile. You get to see you family, but it seems so far away and by the time you do see them, you’re all exhausted. Meg will already be in her pajamas and all I’ll get to do is read her a book and put her to bed. Which is way better than not seeing her at all, but its hard to put her to bed a half an hour after getting home when I haven’t seen her for almost 3 days.

When we were in the car this morning, I was thinking: what if this was my life? It was really strange to go 2 ½ days “without” a daughter. What if Meg was gone? What if I had to go back to the way it was before? I just can’t imagine it. There’s no “going back.” These last two nights, I got a lot more sleep. I watched a lot more TV. I went out to dinner. But I would rather be at home, running around like crazy to unpack the diaper bag, do some laundry, wash the bottles, feed Meg, and put her to bed. Not that I’m saying I didn’t enjoy 2 days of a break. I did, actually. But I’ve had enough and I want to go home now!