I read something a couple weeks ago (can't remember where) that linked to this article, which I clicked open and said “weaning and depression? YES, I NEED TO READ THIS ASAP.” I was probably at work, though, didn’t get to it by the end of the day and told myself I’d remember to go back tomorrow, then didn’t. Anyway, I remembered it today, did some Googling, and finally read it. Within the article was the link to another post:
“I felt guilty because I had a wonderful baby, a loving husband, and a great life on paper, yet I was inexplicably falling apart. Although I had loved taking care of Toby since he was born eight months before, it suddenly seemed exhausting to look after a child. I dreaded hearing his cries in the morning and having to get out of bed and face the day. I felt utterly overwhelmed and exhausted… Even the smallest…decisions seemed like insurmountable obstacles, and I was quickly moved to tears.”
This is exactly what I feel/felt like. The whole thing. Read it all (I mean, if you want).
Also, within that post was the link to an oldie from Swistle, which I’ve read several times, but not since I started weaning Paul.
"I don't know what's the matter with me; it's like I've lost my mind. I'm on the edge of fury all the time; I spent all yesterday and all morning so far today losing it over every little thing. EVERYTHING drives me crazy in about 2 seconds. It seems way out of hand."
YES, YES, EXACTLY. Are you IN MY HOUSE?
I think I remember that reading that Swistle post for the first time was what opened my eyes and made me realize why I went insane when weaning Meg. That’s why I was “prepared” this time. I was going to be proactive. I was gonna do better.
That didn’t go so well.
Or maybe it did. This time I was fully aware it was BECAUSE of weaning, which is why I was able to get help instead of thinking everything was my fault and my life was ruined. (Eventually. For the first month or so, I really was convinced my life was ruined.) I guess now I know even more for next time (hahahaha. NEXT TIME. Let's not think about that right now, OK?)