Sons and daughters

I was talking to a woman today who is due to have a baby a little before me. She has a little boy and I asked if they knew what they were having this time. “It’s another little boy,” she said in such a sad tone. “I so badly wanted to buy a bunch of pink stuff this time around…” It wasn't an ‘I hate boys’ kind of tone or an ‘I don’t want this boy’ kind of thing, just a sadness she’ll probably never have a girl. She’s almost of advanced maternal age and I think they’d decided to just have two kids, so this is it. I know two boys (brothers!!) will be great and she’ll love it (she knows that, too), but I can’t imagine how disappointed I’d be if I knew I wasn't ever going to have a daughter.

The first time around, I didn't think I cared that much what gender our baby was. After all, God willing, we’d have another chance or two to have a daughter. I also wanted my husband to have the son he’d always wanted, so basically we wanted at least one girl and at least one boy, meaning it didn't matter what came first. When we found out Meg was a girl, I was honestly surprised by how relieved I was. I felt this HUGE weight come off my shoulders. I wouldn't have to spend my whole life wondering what it would have been like to have a daughter. There was no pressure on future children to be girls! (Although I’d love to give my little girl a sister.) I expected to be happy either way, but I didn't go into the appointment thinking either the pressure would be off (we have at least one girl) or would build (not a girl this time).

Obviously, for Thomas it was the other way around. He is thrilled to have a girl (as I would have been if we’d had a boy first), but the weight on HIS shoulders got heavier. What if he never had a son? What if he never got to take his little boy to a Cardinals game or coach the little league team? He could do those things with girls, too, but it wouldn't quite be the same. This time, when the ultrasound tech pointed to the screen and said “that’s a little boy part” I could practically see the weight come off HIS shoulders. I nearly cried because he was so excited. I was a teensy bit sad Meg’s closest-in-age sibling isn’t a sister (because mine is and it’s awesome), but I’m really excited to have a boy and a girl.

I can’t believe how lucky we are. Two children that are, so far, perfectly healthy? A daughter AND a son? It’s overwhelming. Although, for the record, I definitely want a third child and I personally hope it’s a girl, because I can’t imagine not having a sister. Thomas will probably want a boy, because I’m sure HE can’t imagine not having a brother. Which means we’ll be really happy either way and that’s a great thing.

This is the post I would have loved to have written as a way of announcing what gender Baby #2 is, but I just didn’t have time in the pre-vacation crunch to do any writing and I couldn’t go on vacation without announcing what the baby is. If I hadn’t put anything (which I almost didn’t, simply because I nearly forgot) I know that, if I was a reader, I’d have wondered if something terribly bad had shown up on the ultrasound. Nobody goes to the “big ultrasound” intending to find out what gender the baby is then doesn't post for a week and a half. Plus, I announced it on Twitter, so the people who follow me there would have known and nobody else would…